ah. i am killing myself. in every single day.

You're not alone. I love you. A part of my existence is left in this message like in everything i create. For people to see it, remember me and eventually forget me. That's the cycle of life.

i wish the walls would swallow me or i melt away in the snow

i just want to disappear

As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

زندگی تو تخیلات حس آزادی میده. خودت انتخاب میکنی کی هستی کجا هستی چطوری هستی. اگه از چیزی خوشت نیاد حذفش میکنی. ولی فقط تا جایی قشنگه. بعضی موقع ها مرز بین تخیلات و واقعیت باریک میشه. دیگه تحمل تصاویر پشت چشمت رو نداری. دلت میخواد لمسشون کنی. این یعنی وابستگی. احساس میکنی بدون اون توهمات نمیتونی روز رو بگذرونی چون اونا تنها راه خفه کردن صداهای تو سرت بودن. به یه جایی میرسی که دیگه کنترل تخیل هات رو نداری و چیزایی می بینی که نباید

the more i dig into space the more i find it hard to keep on living. when did humans become so complicated? there is more than just studying, working, living. what is that purpose i am searching for

Between illusions and fantasy, I've always searched for someone to share this nonsense with, but unfortunately, I haven't found anyone. So I live inside those illusions and enjoy myself virtually in my imagination. It's truly complicated, haha. What nonsense!

everything lately feels like a ritual of humiliation

when i die i will be transported into a middle road between nothing and eternal blue where orange sodium death rays of of the infinite alternate realities i sensed in my shallow lifetime illuminate my sins and perfections. the silent explosions under the crust of the warm ash surface floor will send infinite ripples up my nerves that lull me to sleep and a foggy tinnitus in my seeping wounds to keep me awake and blissfully miserable. at last home eternally.

هممم...یکم هوای خنک شده و الان که صبحا نسیم خنک میزنه تو خونه قلبم می گیره. نمیدونم خوبه یا بد. یه جورایی دلم برا دوران مدرسه تنگ میشه وقتی به این وقت سال میرسیم. سخت بود ولی خوش میگذشت. الان سخته ولی خوش نمیگذره. ولی اگه اونا گذشتن اینم میگذره دیگه

yes i do feel that sometimes

Do y'all ever feel like a stranger when you are around people, the feeling that you don't belong, the feeling that you are different and no matter how much you try you can never be like the others.

how did I get here?

Yo teach what for lunch