in short, i want to watch the anime again... "lain is always staying with us",when I think of it,i always feel not so lonely. let's all love lain.

so...what the f**k?are you okay ROM?you will go to f**king jail? Σ(ﾟ∀ﾟﾉ)ﾉ oh Jesus. i really hope to see you come back here soon.

Ash,do you come back here tomorrow?i will come back here at this time tomorrow. (Please enable the translation function on the website to read the word i send cause I only can speak a little English...i am a Chinese) 就是…… 我之前其实也经历过这样的状况……其实在我上小学起我就一直被父母拿来跟同龄人和我哥比较，因为我就是各方面都很好但是没有很突出，跟我哥的极度优秀一比较就显得我像他的影子一样……同时在四年级开始我应该是经历了校园欺凌，就是我们班的同学在背后一套一套的骂我，起难听的外号，当时我们班的男女生还互相吵架，因为我是被孤立的那个家伙，所以他们就拿我的东西去打群架……同时我当时很好的一个朋友转学了，我没有自己的电子产品，考试时被逼着帮别人作弊，值日也都给我一个人做，就是每天晚上睡不着，一直失眠，还要早起补晚上没写完的作业，之后喜欢上了一个动画片只能晚上熬夜追，因为被我妈发现了被给了一巴掌……我至今都不会忘记她怎么是我“不懂事，没上进心，这一辈子没用了”的时候。 后面我自己做了好多好多的心理测试，应该是抑郁了，具体情况怎么样我不知道，因为我从来没有去看心理医生，如果我这么做我爸妈肯定觉得我疯了 。我当时有想过自杀（甚至认真考虑过应该怎么去死），但是因为怕疼所以最终放弃了。 后面我的初中生活也并非很美好，整个初一因为被霸凌的经历我的情商几乎为零（虽然现在也只是好了一点点……），导致我与同学的关系并不怎么好，而且因为在外地上学，使我非常奔波，而且我的父母一直在使用手机这方面完全没有信任，每次我跟同学聊完天就要偷看我的微信聊天记录，……我的父亲完全不知道怎么教育孩子，只会一直说教，一生气就对孩子（主要是我和我弟）用一种破罐子破摔的态度去大声责骂；我妈则是情绪很难预测，经常上一秒还在拥抱，下一秒就直接给你一巴掌，而且对学习不知道哪里来的异常重视，甚至还在班级微信群说过“为什么要开运动会/办xx活动，这样太耽误孩子学习进度了”的这种并非人类能说出来的话……我在初二下学期转学回到老家结果交友不慎，交了个不学无术说谎成性的黏人精，自己在初三偷偷买的三台手机先后被我妈查出来了（第一个直接不得不送给了帮忙掩护的同学，第二个我直接为了不暴露把手机从我家楼上扔到了楼下的草坪里，第三个现在即将从我同学处走私回我家）……每次考试总会被身边人拿来跟更厉害的人比较，我想学画画，学画动画，我喜欢听术力口，想学作曲和编曲，理科成绩不错但是我真的一点也不喜欢……其实抛开这些我也只是想有一个我自己可以掌控的电子产品，可以做自己喜欢的事，高中选自己想学的科目，可以不时时刻刻都要紧绷着而已……我经常会因为一点点小小的错误而耿耿于怀，每次在别人眼里很正常的回答我都要想好几遍对不对有没有情商，很多事我明明知道但是总是习惯性的装傻充愣显得我智商堪忧，别人生气了伤心了郁闷了我要去安慰才能显得我体贴入微，可是我终于发现别人早就有了自己的小团体，我只是一个可有可无的东西……在学校我生龙活虎回家就垂头丧气是我的日常罢了…… 算了，话说远了。 其实我上面乱七八糟说了一大堆，其实就是想说，既然你也想死，我也想死，那还不如先好好做一点事自己喜欢的事情再去死，不管是大喊几声还是对着自己喜欢听的歌的MV随便跳起舞都是可以的。 嗯，对，所以就是其实这篇留言就是我认真看了Ash你的留言的证明不是吗？ 所以只要你在这里留下了留言，就一定会有人看的。（比如说我……） 所以如果真的感觉活不下去了的话，也可以来这里随便对着屏幕先发泄出来（当然不要砸屏幕）再看看要不要死对不对？ ……毕竟死也不能死的太随便了对吧？反正我是这么想的。 所以希望你再次上线时看的我发的这堆胡言乱语可以心情稍微好一点啦！ 明天凌晨见。 :)

it would be nice to rot in jail with someone else, but id rather have you move on, no? besides, im not gone yet, ill wait until like monday or something. but i dont think i deserve to run through a bucket list or anything like that, nor do i deserve to go free overall i had fun here, loved venting and dumping whatever the hell i had on my mind when i wrote those cringy messages, haha thanks for keeping me company, lets all love lain

oh my poor ROM..dreams really dont come true. then i’ll turn myself in to so we can be together please sad faic

Is there a story here?

bye-bye ROM!

so ill probably turn myself in by monday or something, hopefully i wont ever come back to who i am now, so goodbye i guess love you all, god bless

when i was a wee babe, i taught myself required _____.i would cry every time i failed because i kept stopping right when it was going to happen. the sorrow heightened my pleasure though. now squirting is fun! dont give up, if you decide to, i can teach ya a thing or a dozen_(-ω-`_)⌒)_

Ash Dude, let's just curse the world together. I know it's hard, but let's wait for it to be over. Sometimes I tell myself that this miserable life I'm living is punishment for the mistakes I made in a past life. Then I wonder... if I ki*lled myself, wouldn't that just mean I ran away from my punishment? Would I end up having to live another miserable life all over again? I know it sounds ridiculous—maybe it's even a lie. But it's the lie I tell myself to keep living. Just Let it happen.

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dear ash, dont censor yourself, you can be yourself completely. say [censored] say youre going to kill me. its okay. i often dont know what to say in important situations that i regret everything, why did i say that why didnt i say that i wish i could eat fancy food thats a nice bag shit even existing. its you versus the world ash-kun … . … . . … everything youve said describes me and now i think im even more worthless. im not special nor am i different from you. and thats totally okay! we are here to deliver us believe in us thats all we have to do ash, see. do you see it? the end? our end? let me kiss you before it ends..

dont worry, i always read every message sent here, i even got an app to nitify me when someone sends a new message (it refreshes every 15 minutes though, so its not that good) kill yourself and then what? multiply and pass that pain to someone else? even if you want to deny it, there are people out there that love you and care about you. isnt that too selfish? just try to stop that lust. like a fleeting fire, it will burn you hollow and leave you cold. it will bring you to hate yourself and everything about you, it will make others want distance from you, it will make you pity yourself, and make you thing youre unworthy of getting any help listen, i believe we need simple things to survive. living a simple life in a simple town, we would look at a cloudy sky and simply be thankful for all we have. we would all simply love eachother, and simply forgive one another for everyones mistakes. heres my simple recipe: lay down somewhere (or maybe sit) and clear your mind. breathe slowly, close your eyes, stop having any thoughts for a good while leave your problems alone. easier said than done, but youd be surprised by how many things we worry about just never happen, or we cant do anything about. do what you can about things, give it your all, but no problem is worth worrying so much about that it makes you want to kill yourself be grateful for everything you have. list out in your head all the blessings you have in your life, as the curses will be dissipated over time, but youll remember and cherish those blessings for as long as you live. be grateful for having a house, food, water, access to the internet. be grateful for not living in a country at war, or if it is at war, for being alive. appreciate your every breath. after a while, try doing one of those things you used to like again. maybe youll love it, maybe youll never want to do it again, but be happy you tried, be happy you did your best, the outcome doesnt matter as much as you think it does. find peace and dont do anything stupid. and i do recomend venting to someone (or here) to clear your head, really helps sort your brain out

Did i just say that sh*t? lmao lol omg i regret it can i delete it no obviously not.

Please dont read it if you're sensitive to SH or whatever sh*t that ruins your day i guess... Im a coward, i dont want to k*ll my self, its painful and dark, and... i dont know, it just hurts... But at the same time, i really want to k*ll myself, i think that's cold, and scary, yet i can't help the urge to either k*ll my self or other people... sometimes i think about it and say no, maybe you'll get better later maybe find a goal for living but that's just a lie, my life is not the most sh*t but still, my mind is weak full of mental problems like OCD that oh dammit all it annoys me to the core and irritability of course, and something else ig people call it being an oblomovian right I dunno or being melancholic also I get triggered and provoked easily like unstable and when that happens, i really find no pain in h*rting my self, just pleasure, and not in a se*ual way, like venting myself or stuff, forgot the word maybe just an impulsive act... and I've got no one to help me and not that i open up about something that i find... i dont know, im not good at expressing myself... I dislike my looks as my mom always says it and beats me or kicks me out of home due to how much I and unfortunately look like my absent dad she just won't agree this is just genes, and I'm not a retarded dead-worshipper cheater i mean i am dumb but i at least care enough not to make others miserable, I dislike my family in general and I dislike eating and sleeping even tho I sometimes sleep too much and sometime dont at all or sometime I crave eating like I dunno sweets but mostly don't wanna I dislike school and most of all its dramas or exams that comes up with anxiety and my bad habits، I hate my weak ugly body that looks like just bones with a skin cover I dislike my anemia or headaches i dislike having no purpose and barely interested in doing the things that i used to enjoy like drawing or playing reading or watching is it anhedonia and I dislike my behaviors I dislike other's high expectations of me i dislike how i act like just what they want and give them what they need even though i myself feel like h*ll I hate myself and my thoughts I dislike lights or loud noises like I dunno am I autistic and i really hate crowded places and am awkward like badly, and dislike my gender or I hate how much I romanticize that a stranger online tries to help and comfort me like they f*cking say oh listen you're good enough bro u did everything you could and knew how to and u should be less harsh on yourself and the f*ck I think about is kissing em wtf why do i trust people and overshare so easily what are you doing don't be so... like that, ugh, desperate for attention like f*ck I really need someone to love me but I don't want it cuz I know I hurt them with my f*cking attitude and leave em alone no answering them cuz at the same time I want to be alone just quiet so how can I expect em to understand the fact I both want to curl up and cry or lash out for nothing and cuddles at the same time, f*ck I don't even know why I j*rk off is it loneliness or hyper horniness but I feel awful after it like it's a drug feeling good at first and void in the end tho I don't smoke or drink that's good tho not that i have access to them yk... I don't even know myself since I mostly am energic outside or whatever side I show to people based on it I don't know my preferences anymore my favorite things my own f*cuking fre*king s*xuality or whatever... and what it could've been worse and im depressed for what f*inking thing I could have literally nothing, but now at least I have an online space to distract myself from reality... i just want to end it all... maybe today... but mostly maybe never, or not in a long time, but its not hope for getting better, its like i continue for nothing just because... I don't know, yes, for the thousandth times... there were many more things I wanted to add and talk about, but like I said, I either can't or I don't remember what points I didn't mention, nobody reads this anyway its so long, and if they do, they definitely won't know what to say, maybe go to a mental hospital? am not able to just go there, or therapy? I don't have money, ask for help pathetic loser? I can't, die? thanks... ok bye.