relverie
December 15, 2025 at 12:23:42 AM
How do I live? How am I supposed to wake up and toll for the betterment of my next day, whilst apparently supposed to be indifferent to the suffering of others?
What more can I do with my life than living for others?
What value does wondrous existence bring to me, if I am simply supposed to toll, to work until the last edges of my cogs simply wear away?
Then I will become a problem, simply removed from society once I am no longer of use? Or fall into the gaps of the relentless machine that is the world in which we live?
If I am supposed to just be as selfish as anyone else, then I’ll die instead.
I don’t believe in an afterlife. My existence is simply the feeling formed through electrons jumping through different protein hoops.
And if it is fried anyways, what more can I do?
Inject drugs into it to make the construct known as “myself” feel that little bit better, so I view my existence as less of a disposable thing, and place some intrinsic sentimental value into a corpse? I am dead, and what more can I do?
if I am even living, then death will make no difference to my existence.
What remains of myself is a trigger happy chemical failure.
Tomorrow I will feel amazing and jovial again, having removed from myself these chemicals which make me depressed.
And I will feel immense shame about having typed these words. I can assure you and myself that it will be so.
If this is not torture, then what else would be better? I’d be waterboarded and force-fed willingly just to feel something real again.
I wish i was a fish :3